Movie Review: Battleship

Ok, say what you will about cheesy summer blockbusters.  If you don't like watching things explode, awesome special effects and hot men running around saving the planet, and you don't want to eat lots of buttery popcorn (which afterward spilled all over my car so I will probably stink like said buttery popcorn tomorrow) in an air conditioned theater while it's over 80 degrees out, then don't even bother reading my review.  You aren't the intended audience.

However, if you like even one of those things, continue.

Let me sum Battleship up in one word:  AWESOME.  Seriously.  

Watch this trailer and tell me this isn't going to be just about the best stupid summer movie since Transformers came out.

No, I didn't have any drunken moments jumping out of my chair and yelling "Holy shit, it's Optimus Prime" in a theater completely packed full of people (yes, that actually happened).  But I did have a lot of laughs, a lot of jumps in my chair as evil robots were hurtled toward the screen, and I will be buying this movie to watch over and over again.

Here's what else this move had (complete with Transformer correlations because I can't resist):

• The aforementioned, requisite eye candy.  Hot butt kicking blonde (in this case) for those who prefer the female variety (she even talks sorta like Megan Fox in that annoying whiny breathy sorta way) and hot military men for those who can't resist a sweaty man saving the world one explosion at a time.  (See: Taylor Kitsch - you may not know him now ladies, but you'll want to, Alexander Skarsgard - way hotter here than as a vampire, and Liam Neeson just to name a few.)
• It's worth mention the military men again for two reasons.  One, this movie does for the Navy what Transformers did for the Air Force.  But two, it also - somewhat humorously - pays reverence to those who have fought before and does some pretty cool - if not chuckle inducing - things with veterans.
• Kick ass evil robots who want to take over our planet.  They even click like the Transformers as they are building themselves.
• Incredible special effects.  I couldn't believe how far we've come since the first Transformers movie.  They just keep getting bigger and better and louder and faster.. all the things you absolutely must have in a summer movie if you want anyone like me to watch it.
• Witty humor that will be hilarious every time you decide to watch this movie drunk in the future.  Anyone remember the IMAX only scene in Transformers with the lady in the shop with the machine gun?  Anyone?  Only me?  Oh well... This movie is full of those moments.

So basically Battleship is a mash up of Alien, an awesome game of Halo (I watched far too many games of Halo in college not to see the connection), a good old fashioned game of Battleship (the references where so eye roll inducing that they are part of what gives this movie its charm) and Transformers.  All it was missing was a little Josh Duhamel and a Linkin Park song and it could have been another notch on the Transformer awesomeness belt.

If you saw it and didn't like it, we can agree to disagree.  But I highly recommend spending the $10 to go if you like these kinds of movies.

Next on the docket, The Avengers.  Just haven't had time yet...


And just because this movie was only missing two things which incidentally are two of my favorite things on the planet, here's a little of both.

 

 

Also, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is on tv right now.  Too bad it's the worst of the series.  I'm going to watch it anyway.