Reflections on Being a Quintessential Twenty-Something

I stumbled across an article a few weeks ago that I knew I must read – and comment on – but until now hadn't found the time to do so.

The article, entitled Semi-Charmed Life, was published in the New Yorker by Nathan Heller.  Take the time to read it if you have a chance.*  It's amazing.

Ok, you back (or still here)?  Good.

The article looks at twenty-something-ness as a unique phase in everyone’s lives.  It talks about how this phase in our life is special because it is so varied – all of us are doing so many different things, someone of us are doing it all at once, and somehow that draws us together.  Parts of the article stuck out to me as hitting a proverbial nail on the head.

As I draw much closer to the end of my 20s than the beginning, I've spent a lot of time thinking about where I’ve come from and where I’ll be in a few years. 

• I entered my 20s a college student – over worked, over tired, over partied, over committed, overly single, and probably with a checking account nearly over drawn. 
• My early-mid 20s were spent slaving away at a job I hated in order to pay the bills. 
• I quit said job in my still early-mid-20s to go back to being overly broke and started grad school – I was again a full time student, working two full time jobs, and in a truly terrible relationship.
• I spent most of my mid-20s focusing on my career.  My checking account was still over drawn half the time but I was working my ass off at something I loved and - too be honest - having way to good of a time.
• With the recent move (and the entry into the definite late-20s of my life), I’ve refocused a little.  I’m still working hard, doing something I love, but I’m also focusing on my relationships more, building up that bank account, and losing the weight that comes along with having a good time.

It’s hard to think that all of that can happen in less than 7 years.  Harder yet to believe that all of my best friends could describe very different paths in their 20s and yet all of our experiences resonate with one another – we are all drawn together even if nothing about our lives appears to meld well.

At one point, Heller says that one of the most interesting part of everyone’s 20s is that “Where you start out—rich or poor, rustic or urbane—won’t determine where you end up, perhaps, but it will determine how you get there.”  This could not be more true. 

The article also mentions a clinical psychologist who observes that – contrary to the carefree attitude that people see in 20-somethings – as a whole we are horribly unsatisfied.  We feel that our lives are not what we hoped for.  I think my meandering path above demonstrates that I have felt the same way.  There are defining moments in that story – literal “wake up in the morning and realize something has to change” moments – where I was so unsatisfied that I was willing to give everything up to make a change.  And I did.  Multiple times.

So where am I going with all of this?  That is the ultimate question, isn’t it?  I may have almost 2 years left to my 20s but I’m already feeling the pressure to figure it out.  Thankfully, these days, the 30s are the new 20s so I have a few years to get there.  The article even addresses that fact.  In the 90s, the "it-girls" on TV were like Ally McBeal - late 20-something, desperate, single women.  Today, the "freak out timeline" focuses more on the Liz Lemon's of the world - late 30s.  As the article states: "There’s no shame now in being a twentysomething without imminent family plans, and there may even be extra power."

Near the end of the article, Heller makes this observation.

Twentysomething culture is intimate and exclusive on the one hand, and eternal on the other. We tout this stage of life, in retrospect, as free, although we ogle the far shores of adulthood while we’re there.

When I read those sentences, it suddenly all made sense to me.  Why this stage in my life is so special.  Why I feel the need to write about it on the blog that so few people read.  Why I strive to improve with each new step I take.

We live in a world where almost everything about it is readily available to virtual strangers.  At the same time,  we know more than ever about how to shape that intimacy.  That's what this blog is all about, isn't it?  Putting my thoughts out into the world in a way that truly expresses what is on my heart.  I am able to express myself - no one can take that away.  

I have the freedom every day to do what I want still.  I have no husband, no children, at home to answer to.  And yet, as I near the end of the 20s, I've come to realize that that "far shore of adulthood" isn't so far away afterall.  That maybe it's ok to be anchored down a little.

*Did you miss the post on my Facebook page with the link last week?  Make sure you like the page so you don't miss anything in the future!

Monday Reminder: Never Lose Faith

Never lose faith, never lose heart.  There is always something unexpected and wonderful just around the bend. -Unknown

Monday Reminder: Choose Your Own (Adventure)

It is so important to choose your own lifestyle and not let others choose it for you. - Susan Polis Schutz

Musings on a Sunday Evening

• I spent the weekend visiting my boyfriend.  It is beyond wonderful to see him every week, even if we're still  few hours apart and "every week" sometimes means "for an hour for dinner on a random week night."  This weekend we saw each other Friday, Saturday and Sunday so no complaints.  I also get to see him on Tuesday so I'm a happy girl this week!  

• It is freaking cold outside in Wisconsin right now.  I'm handling the cold much better than I expected but my skin is like a lizard.  Disgustingly gross and dry.  If I'm handling the cold, my skin definitely isn't.  I have super sensitive skin so I have to be careful with some products but I'm open to suggestions.  Have you found anything that truly combats these nasty Northern winters?

• The boyfriend gave me the official Ugg slippers for Christmas.  I can say that I would never have spent the money on them myself but they are amazing and I don't think I could go without anymore.  My feet are never cold anymore.  It was the perfect Christmas present - something I did actually need, but a nicer version than I would pay for on my own so it's a little bit of luxury too.  He did good.  What has proven to be your favorite present from the holidays?

• I'm thinking of doing my first giveaway in the near future.  What would you like to win?  Visit and like the Facebook page to share some ideas.

• I am joining the YMCA tomorrow on a quest to get in better shape, lose some of the weight I gained while living in Kentucky, and simply get more healthy.  Oh and I have it in my head that I want to do a short duathlon this summer.  I must be crazy.  Any suggestions on how to stay motivated?

Is that the most random post you've ever read?  Probably.  Just some thoughts for you this evening!

How I Became a Cat Person

After Tuesday night's anniversary post, I figured it was worth taking a moment to share Lady Bug adoption story too.

I've had Lady for almost 3.5 years.  Like I shared on her birthday last year, and it's true more today than it was then!, those years have been pretty full.  We've lived in five different apartments, in three cities.  We've traveled back and forth across the country a couple of times.  We adopted a second cat.  We've been through some pretty crappy relationships - both romantic and platonic - and had multiple jobs.

I adopted Lady after a very bad break up.

Or let me rephrase that.  I adopted Lady after I thought a really bad relationship was ending.  It dragged on for much longer than I care to admit after that.  But the first end to that relationship was definitely the catalyst to adopting her in the first place.

My apartment seemed so empty and I was looking for something to love - something that wouldn't cheat on me, that would be an asshole, that wouldn't tell me that every single things I did was wrong.  I was much more of a dog person - truthfully, I still am - but my apartment didn't technically allow any pets and you can't exactly get away with a dog in a complex like that.  Plus I was working about 80 hours a week and going to school full time.  Doesn't leave much room for a dog.

One morning not long after the breakup, my friend Megan and I decided to go to the Humane Society to see if maybe they had a cat for me.  I had in my brain that I was looking for a male cat, at least a year old, preferably all grey.  People kept telling me I would like cats, to at least give it a try.

I wasn't all that convinced at first but I came home with a kitten - not at all what I expect.  She was a female, four months old, that was grey and pink-ish.  In Tuesday's post I talked about how I chose Charlie.  In this instance, Lady Bug chose me.

We played with a lot of cats that day.  Kittens that swarmed us, purring and crying, that were quite adorable.  An older cat that really just needed someone to love her.  Cute little boy cats that tried desperately to fill the void in my heart that I was feeling.

None of them were my cat.

Just as we were leaving empty handed, we decided to stop in the kitten room one last time to absorb the cuteness.  When we first got there, a little kitten - at the time named Angel - had been sleeping in the corner, completely oblivious to the fact that there was a lady there who might want to play with her.

The second foray into the kitten room, she shoved her way through the slithering mass of kittens, climbed right onto my lap, stretched up as high as she could, and kissed me right on the nose.

I was hers.  Instantly.  Without a moment of hesitation - not at all realizing that my little cat was very, very gassy (trust me, it was gross) - I renamed her Lady - she was a prissy little thing and there's isn't an angelic bone in her body - gave her the middle name of Bug - it just suited her - and let her into my heart.

Within a week, she had charmed the football player next door, my best friend, and my family (even if she did run through a plate of chicken parmigiana at Thanksgiving that year).  That little thing was so incredibly sick when I brought her home.  But with a little bit of love, and a little bit of people food which she still steals to this day (what cat likes pizza, tacos, and spaghetti?!), she has grown into a rather-large, very-loving, kind-of-lazy cat.

So there is is.  I was never a cat person until I fell in love with Lady Bug.  It doesn't hurt that she's not a normal cat.  She has a lot of personality and she's way too smart.  She's leash trained (remember the PetSmart story from Tuesday?).  And as crazy as it sounds, she has impeccable sense when it comes to people's character.  I trust her judgement... except for when it comes to my sister.  My vet-school sister.  The only person on the planet Lady hates.

Now that I've aired all of my "I'm a Crazy Cat Lady" glory on the blog, we can get back to my (ir)regular posting.  I'm in the middle of a few different books right now that hopefully I'll finish over the weekend.  Keep an eye out for a review in the next couple of days.